Gush and resolve

I just got to say: I love all of you guys!

After I write this post, I'll go back and answer your individual comments, but for now, I just gotta let you know how I'm doing NOW.

It seems like the way I work is: I have problems, they bug me for awhile. I articulate the problems and either write it down or talk about it. I can then start to logically think about the solution to the problems!

And that's what I've done. I have written it all out in the post below, I've taken close to 24 hours to think about it, and I've thought of some solutions.

As far as Armondo goes: He IS my best friend, and I love him dearly, and he's a great husband, and he's a hard worker, and he's an awesome father. And, I just have to come to the realization that he's not going away to fish to spite me. Which means, I shouldn't feel spite-ed? I'm a very lucky woman. I could have married a bastard that yells at me from the couch to bring him beer, and who barks orders about making dinner and changing diapers. But I didn't marry a lame-ass loser, I married an awesome man, and although I'm not 100% happy with the current arrangement, I shall keep him around a little longer.

And I've had the "aha" moment. I wasn't feeling good about myself (still working on it), so if I couldn't love myself, and feel good about myself, then how could I see Armondo for all that he really is?!?

Ok, so on to the friends thing.
Here's the plan:

~Hang out with friend #1 more often (the one I don't bad mouth). And if we can't hang out, don't forget to call her at least once every few days.
~Hang out with friend #2 more often, but only in non-public places, so that I don't get angry about how her and her child behave. And don't talk about her in a bad way. Ever. (I can't let this friendship slide, 'cause even though I bad mouth her, I love her, and her whole family means so much to me! I'm her kid's godmother, afterall!)
~Call up old friends that I still like and make plans to actually hang out (instead of saying "we should hang out sometime" and then never doing it).
~Stop feeling like I would be "imposing" by doing all the work and making plans. (Thanks to Tricia for the nudge on these last two!)
~Go to Bbqs and gatherings when invited. Just do it. Don't make excuses. (Why do I do that anyway?!?)
~Hang out more with the people who are more like me. The type of people I actually want to hang out with, and stop feeling left out when the people I don't really want to hang out with don't include me in things. (I've been working on and off at two different jobs for AGES now. One is at a hardware store, the other is at a restaurant. Most of the hardware people are pretty cool people. MY kind of people. And they're really good about including everyone in events that go on. In fact, there's a bbq this weekend that I'm going to. The girls at the restaurant, aren't my kind of people, and I need to stop wanting to fit in-it just ain't going to happen!)

So, my plans for this weekend so far?

Tomorrow- meet up with that new online friend I've just made. We're taking our kids to the park. (Oh, and it turns out that the reason why she didn't email me or call me was because her daughter was screwing with the computer and she's been having troubles getting online, and here I was getting all neurotic!)
Saturday- Go to the hardware crew bbq. And make plans to hang out with some of them at a future time!
Sunday- Have a small celebration for Cherry's birthday, including giving her some of her presents, and hopefully revealing her new "big girl room", which my dad is thisclose to finishing!

And starting Sunday night, I will be calling up other friends and making plans for the following week!