Thursday, July 06, 2006

Gush and resolve

I just got to say: I love all of you guys!

After I write this post, I'll go back and answer your individual comments, but for now, I just gotta let you know how I'm doing NOW.

It seems like the way I work is: I have problems, they bug me for awhile. I articulate the problems and either write it down or talk about it. I can then start to logically think about the solution to the problems!

And that's what I've done. I have written it all out in the post below, I've taken close to 24 hours to think about it, and I've thought of some solutions.

As far as Armondo goes: He IS my best friend, and I love him dearly, and he's a great husband, and he's a hard worker, and he's an awesome father. And, I just have to come to the realization that he's not going away to fish to spite me. Which means, I shouldn't feel spite-ed? I'm a very lucky woman. I could have married a bastard that yells at me from the couch to bring him beer, and who barks orders about making dinner and changing diapers. But I didn't marry a lame-ass loser, I married an awesome man, and although I'm not 100% happy with the current arrangement, I shall keep him around a little longer.

And I've had the "aha" moment. I wasn't feeling good about myself (still working on it), so if I couldn't love myself, and feel good about myself, then how could I see Armondo for all that he really is?!?

Ok, so on to the friends thing.
Here's the plan:

~Hang out with friend #1 more often (the one I don't bad mouth). And if we can't hang out, don't forget to call her at least once every few days.
~Hang out with friend #2 more often, but only in non-public places, so that I don't get angry about how her and her child behave. And don't talk about her in a bad way. Ever. (I can't let this friendship slide, 'cause even though I bad mouth her, I love her, and her whole family means so much to me! I'm her kid's godmother, afterall!)
~Call up old friends that I still like and make plans to actually hang out (instead of saying "we should hang out sometime" and then never doing it).
~Stop feeling like I would be "imposing" by doing all the work and making plans. (Thanks to Tricia for the nudge on these last two!)
~Go to Bbqs and gatherings when invited. Just do it. Don't make excuses. (Why do I do that anyway?!?)
~Hang out more with the people who are more like me. The type of people I actually want to hang out with, and stop feeling left out when the people I don't really want to hang out with don't include me in things. (I've been working on and off at two different jobs for AGES now. One is at a hardware store, the other is at a restaurant. Most of the hardware people are pretty cool people. MY kind of people. And they're really good about including everyone in events that go on. In fact, there's a bbq this weekend that I'm going to. The girls at the restaurant, aren't my kind of people, and I need to stop wanting to fit in-it just ain't going to happen!)

So, my plans for this weekend so far?

Tomorrow- meet up with that new online friend I've just made. We're taking our kids to the park. (Oh, and it turns out that the reason why she didn't email me or call me was because her daughter was screwing with the computer and she's been having troubles getting online, and here I was getting all neurotic!)
Saturday- Go to the hardware crew bbq. And make plans to hang out with some of them at a future time!
Sunday- Have a small celebration for Cherry's birthday, including giving her some of her presents, and hopefully revealing her new "big girl room", which my dad is thisclose to finishing!

And starting Sunday night, I will be calling up other friends and making plans for the following week!


K. said...

Sounds like a great plan. I am glad that you are feeling better.

Ryann said...

good girl. glad you had the big aha moment :)

now as for old friends... I'm off next week. I'll be in town July 9-17 with actual free time and I would love you see you and your family.

expect a call next week

Earl said...

Cece I didn't get in on all the advice stuff, sorry, I love to give advice... ;)
One thing I know is that when stuff really gets tough, the shit hits the fan, and it stresses you out, getting through it, managing it, gives you experience, makes you stronger.
All of us do well to visualize past the temporary issues to imagine what you want that future to look like after the issues that cloud you today are solved.
Then work towards supporting that future you imagine you want...
Does that make sense?
It's a "big picture" view that helps clear up our vision, because we all tend to fixate on our immediate issues...

Cherrypie said...

I'm Home Alone too so feel free to pop round for a coffee xx

Kim said...

Great plan and sometimes talking is the best thing, which is why we have blogs:o)

The friend that I grew up with, lives 45 min away from my sister and I. We realized that we rarely got together or talked anymore. We made the decision to get together at least once a month, without the children, just to talk and hang out. We usually go to a movie and dinner and that has really helped us stay in touch better.

Good luck with your plan.

debambam said...

Good for you, sounds like you got it all worked out and are feeling a bit better...your right, sometimes just writing it down is the best way to deal with something, helps you see it in a different light and the venting along is therapeutical (sp???!!)

Mr. Fabulous said...

I am glad hear about these plans you made. It's great to be able to work through stuff to the logical conclusion, isn't it?

He won't be fishing forever. I am sure of that.

And hey, if you ever feel the walls closing in a little bit, we're hear for you.

Well, apparently I missed the previous post and I feel bad about that. But from now on I'll be here for you :)

Maidink said...

glad you're better

CeCe said...

K.~Thanks, I really AM feeling better!

Ryann~ See you at Cherry's party!

Wade~You know? I DO feel stronger!

Cherrypie~It's a bit of a swim, but I might consider it!

Kim~Sounds like good times!

Debambam~True dat!

Mr.Fab~*sniff* it's too late now, you weren't here when I REALLY needed you!

Maidink~Thank you!

Belinda said...

I'm glad you're not feeling spite-ed. Cuz that would make me sad.

Tricia said...

Just to make you feel better: