Saturday, July 29, 2006

The One Where my kid almost died while I was having a poo

Warning: there's a little bit a lot of talk about poo in this one. Evan, you might want to avert your eyes.

When you're pregnant for the first time and you're sleeping as much as you possibly can, there is one thing that everyone around you will tell you: "Enjoy it while you can."

What they don't tell you, however is to enjoy pooing by yourself while you can!

I've pretty much been constipated since I gave birth to Cherry. I've talked about it before, but there's no way I'm digging through the archives to find it for you. I've finally figured out WHY I've been constipated so much. It's because I can't just poo when I want to, and this has caused some back up.

I can't just poo when I want to, because I either have to close the door on my kid, two dogs and two cats and listen to them all whine/bark/scratch at the door. Or, I can leave the door open and try to battle with my kid to stop her from tearing all the paper off of the roll, pulling all the diapers off of the change table shelves, taking the baby cloths and throwing them in the bath while dealing with a small white poodle trying to jump on my lap, a lab trying to sniff my underwear, one cat biting my knees, and one cat trying her best to be the most adorable thing that ever rolled around on a bathroom mat.

Needless to say, the best time to poo is when all the animals are outside and the kid is sleeping. The other day, I had all of this arranged. I had just put Cherry down for her nap, and the pets were all lounging in the sun outside.

I sat down. I was at peace with myself, and my bowels were co-operating.

Then Cherry started screaming. Not crying, not fussing. It was a "I'M PRACTICALLY DYING HERE, COME HELP ME RIGHT NOW" sort of scream.

The next 15 seconds were the longest of my life. And probably the longest of Cherry's life too. I could not leave the toilet as soon as I heard the screams. It just wasn't an option. I was stuck.

As it turns out, Cherry was stuck too.

As quick as I could, I got myself "fixed" in such a way that I could run to her room to find out what was wrong. This is what I saw:*

Cherry had somehow crawled UNDER her sheet in her playpen and had gotten herself stuck. Every corner was still firmly in place, yet she had figured out a way to crawl underneath and couldn't figure a way out. Not exactly a life-threatening situation, but surely I could see the urgency and need of a rescue.

I quickly saved her and spent the next couple of minutes consoling her. Realizing that the playpen probably wasn't her favourite place in the world right then, I figured that I would let her skip the nap for now, and we would try again later.

And then I went back to the bathroom to finish my business. Afterwards I had diapers to pick up off the floor, toilet paper to throw out and cloths that needed to go into the laundry. Luckily, the animals all stayed outside. But, I haven't had a good poop since.

*No, I didn't run for the camera when I heard my kid screaming, I actually re-enacted the scene later on using four Cabbage Patch kids and sticking them under the sheet.


Belinda said...

So the formula is, One Cherry = Four Cabbage-Patch Kids.

Cece has four Cabbage Patch Kids in her home.

I would have nightmares.

Kisses to the most adorable baby in the universe.

Erin said...

I wouldn't make it - I have to poo a lot. Sorry if that's too much info.

I've already got the two needy dogs, so I'm halfway there, right?

BTW I think it's hilarious that you re-enacted the event with Cabbage Patch Kids. I bet it was scary to find her that way. I'm glad she's okay!

Kim said...

My sister complains about using the bathroom in peace also. My two nieces (3 & 5) either follow her in and decide that they have to go right now or are in another room and all she hears if fighting and screaming.

I just have to deal with 3 dogs and a cat:o)

Cute re-enactment.

maidink said...

When I saw the photo, my exact thought was, "That had better be a reenactment."

Thank you for easing my mind.

andrea said...

Unlike Maidink, I was amazed at your presence of mind to have your camera with you AT ALL TIMES. You make me look like a slack ass! :)

CeCe said...

Belinda~CPK are CUTE! And there's five in the house!

Erin~Yes, you ARE half way there! Or perhaps a third of the way there!

Kim~I fear that I won't be able to have a quite poo for many years to come!

Maidink~Hee hee.. maybe it WASN'T a reenactment, and I really AM a cruel and evil mother!

Andrea~Hee hee.. No, I'm ALWAYS forgetting my camera!

debambam said...

This is funny, sad, and tragic all at the same time. Why didn't shakespeare ever write about the delights of being a mum????

Melora said...

I was amazed that you would take the pic before rescuing Cherry, and relieved to find it was a re-enactment! Travis once managed to get a leg jammed so tightly between the bars of his crib that I thought we'd have to saw the wood to get him out. Aren't they amazing?
I don't know what to say about the animals in the bathroom, but I got pretty laid back about holding conversations with little people while on the potty. Now we've gotten to the point where I am insisting on my privacy again, but you have many years before that will be a realistic option. Good luck!

Evan said...

Gee, glad I signed in for the POO POST (nice new name for the blog) ;)