Thursday, August 17, 2006

The One Where I Kick My Dad Out.

So, two days ago, I kicked my dad out of my house.

He'd been living here for two and a half months.

Overall, it was an ok experience, but with his lack of personal hygiene and his laziness, the stresses were adding up.

I gave him chances. I gave him warnings. But I still feel bad.

At the beginning of the month, I asked my dad if he'd be willing to take on some specific chores for the rest of his stay here. The first time I brought it up, he told me he'd "think about it and get back to me". I didn't take this answer lightly, and it pissed me off, but I let it go, because I realized that he was going to find out the next day or so if he had a place to live.

A couple of days later, after the place didn't pan out, I brought it up again. He had previously told me that he didn't like to do dishes, so taking that into mind, and knowing that he liked outdoor chores, I asked him to keep up the weeding of the gardens (which he had started a couple of months ago, but never finished), keep up the mowing of the lawn (which he had basically been doing, except when he left the back lawn for weeks on end), and water the garden on our specified even day watering times. I asked him if he thought this was fair, or if he would rather take on different chores, and he sort of agreed to doing the yard work by saying "If that's what I need to do, then I'll do it." That was probably around August 4 or 5.

The next few days were rainy and unpleasant, and one of the days my dad wasn't feeling well, so I let it slide that he wasn't doing anything. Once it started to warm up again, and the gardens started to dry out, I was expecting him to get his butt in gear. On the 9th, which was the day that Armondo was coming home, my dad asked me "Are you sure it's ok for me to be here?" And I replied by saying "Yes, it's fine you're here, just weed the darn gardens!" By the 12th he still hadn't done any yard work, and it was dry enough that the gardens really needed water. My dad went out that day for the whole day and didn't show up until about half and hour past dark. When he got home, I told him that the gardens needed to be watered, and he replied with "I'll do it tomorrow."
"But today is an even day! You have to water today!" And that was the end of the conversation.

The next day, we packed up and took off camping. Armondo, Cherry, both dogs and I left for three days and two nights and left the cats and fish for my dad to take care of. (Which, in reality, wasn't necessary, we could have left plenty of food and litter boxes for the cats and they would have been fine. And the fish would have been fine as well. But it was nice to know that they'd be looked after.)

When we arrived home, we came home to lawns that were un-mowed, a weed-full garden, and dying roses. In other words, in the three days we were gone, my dad had done NOTHING!

Well, except do a load of dishes we left in the sink. But he really only cleaned one of the plates, and the rest of the dishes were still extremely dirty and needed to be re-done.

On the way home, we picked up Armondo's brother "Dill" and he's staying here for a week or so. My dad knew Dill was coming to stay, so he offered to take off for a couple of nights. He had first offered this before we had even left, but we had said it was no big deal, 'cause Dill could stay in Cherry's room and Cherry could come into our room. When we got home, my dad told me that he was getting ready to leave for the night so Dill could have his room, even though we had said it was ok. But, because we came home to nothing done, I calmly told him (when Armondo and Dill were out in the yard folding the tent up properly) that he should, indeed leave, and that he should actually take all of his stuff as well.

(Now, before I go on, I should mention that the weather is really nice right now, and my dad has a sailboat that he can stay on, and HAS stayed on several nights in the past. Not only that, but he already has a storage lock-up with most of his stuff so he can store any of his stuff that doesn't fit in his truck in his lock-up.)

So, after I told him to leave, he simply said "Ok, fair enough" and started packing his stuff. I started to explain myself, but he stopped me saying "You do what you gotta do." He didn't offer an explanation for not getting anything done, and he didn't act surprised or confused at all. He just quickly and quietly packed his stuff.

"I'm not angry Dad, no hard feelings!" I tried to explain.
"That's fine."
"I love you Dad!"
"That's nice."
"Dad, what are you supposed to say when someone says 'I love you'?"
no response.
"DAD?!? You're supposed to say 'I love you too'!"
"Fine, I love you too." He shot back sarcastically.
"You're welcome to visit, and I want you and Cherry to be able to continue your relationship."
"Mmm hmmm."

Anyway, I told him to keep in touch and to phone every couple of days to get messages and what not. (He's still waiting on a job, and this is his contact number.)

Still, by this point, Armondo didn't know I had kicked my father out, and as Dad was taking his stuff to the truck, Armondo told him that we needed to use his truck to pick up roofing supplies in the next few days. Apparently my dad said he'd give Armondo a call in the next couple of days, and then he left.

When Armondo came back into the house, I told him what had happened. He was surprised, having not realized that anything was going on at all. He just figured my dad decided to pack up all his stuff and take off on his own. (I guess that was a valid assumption.)

Then Armondo says "But, we need his truck!"
"Well, I'm sorry, I guess I wasn't seeing the 'big picture'!" I said sarcastically.
"Yeah!" he says, "I guess you WEREN'T looking at the big picture!"


Anyway, my dad hasn't called and it's been two days, and I have no idea if he's royally pissed off at me, or if he's embarrassed, or what.

Armondo says that he should have expected to get kicked out, having been here for two and a half months and having had warnings. But I still feel bad. I felt like my dad and I were really getting along, and I loved watching Dad and Cherry's relationship grow. I'm not really sure what I can do now, seeing as I can't phone him.

Oh well, I guess I'll just wait.
Hopefully not the last bonding moment between Cherry and Grumpa.


Mr. Fabulous said...

I'm sorry, hon. But you shouldn't feel bad. It sounds as if he was taking advantage of you guys.

I am sure it will all work out. Give it a few more days.

CeCe said...

Mr. Fab~Thanks.

Joyce said...

Family is one complex organism. I'm sorry for the pain of it.

maidink said...

I don't know what to say. It's hard when the roles are reversed. But I'm with Fab. You gaves chances and all were blown. Give Dad a few days to think it out and don't let it get to you (especially in your condition).

andrea said...

Take heart -- I have a dad who is also still a child and I ca't even *imagine* living with him, so you're already a better woman than I am! No more beating yourself up, y'hear?

Shana said...

What an awful position for you to be in. I am sorry about the circumstances that led you to having to make the decision. For what it's worth, I think you did what was best for you and your family.

CeCe said...

Thank you all for your support! I feel like a jerk sometimes, and it's nice to have people back my jerky-ness up!

Kim said...

I'm sure it was hard to do, but you gave him several warnings and a chance to help out. It is hard to deal with family sometimes, especially when you feel like they are taking advantage. I hope it all works out and he stays in contact with you and Cherry.

Erin said...

I'm sorry! What an awkward and uncomfortable situation. He put you in a place where you really had no choice but to evict him, but still, not easy. *hug*