Monday, August 27, 2007

My Cycle.

Motivation.

It eludes me.

My house depresses me when it's messy.

But I'm too depressed to clean.

Which makes me less motivated.

Which makes me tired.

But I can't go to sleep because my house is messy.

So, I stay on the computer until it's late.

Doing nothing.

While my house stays messy.

Then I go to bed.

And I take a long time to fall asleep.

Because my house is messy.

And then I get up in the morning.

And I don't want to leave the house.

Because I don't want to get dressed.

Because I should clean the house.

And I don't want to clean in my nice clothes.

So I don't get dressed.

But I stay in my pjs.

Which makes me feel lazy.

So I don't clean my house.

Which makes me depressed.

So, after nap, I try to clean.

But the kids are cranky.

Which makes me irritable.

Which angers me.

And then I feel depressed because I'm a bad mother.

So, I start thinking positive thoughts.

"I AM a good mother."

"I CAN clean this house."

But the kids don't stop yelling and crying.

So, I get nothing done.

Then the kids' bedtime arrives.

And then, I need two hours to decompress.

And I feel too tired to clean.

BUT...

Last night I cleaned. Because I had guests arriving today.

And then, I cleaned more after nap time.

And, tonight after the kids went to bed, I only took half an hour to decompress, then, I was about to blog, with the thought of cleaning up later, but then I realized I wanted to watch Canadian Idol later. So I got off my ass and cleaned up the kitchen until Canadian Idol came on, and now I'm blogging at the same time as the show is on.

The house is tidy, vacuumed, the kitchen is clean!

And damn it, I feel great.

7 comments:

flutter said...

as well you should, mama.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Its gotta be tough. I couldn't do it. I admire the hell out of you!

ellinghouse said...

I'm with ya....

Kim said...

So glad you got your house clean. It has to be tough with two young ones runnign around behind you when you clean up:o)

shandelle said...

Scary how real that really is.

Hillary said...

Oh my word. You just decribed my EXACT cycle, minus the kids bit. Exact. Aaaaand, why do you think I'm online RIGHT NOW? I should be cleaning!

Sheesh.

It's amazing how much productivity can affect emotions, eh? I notice that too, all the time. Do nothing, feel crappy, don't want to do anything, rinse, cylcle, repeat. Get stuff done? Hey look! I'm happy!

CeCe said...

Good to know others feel the same way!