Saturday, April 15, 2006

White Trash.

Yesterday when I started work at the restaurant, I got two tables right away. One of the tables had a man and a woman who were siblings and who were completely nuts.

The hostess sat them at their table, then came to warn me about the weirdness I was about to encounter. I hadn't quite seen them at this point, but I could smell the alcohol on them from half way across the room.

When I got to the table, the woman was heavily concentrating on rolling up her paper place mat, and the man was leaning back in the booth and almost sliding over to the side.

I asked them what they wanted to drink and they both ordered a beer. When I brought them their beer, I asked if they wanted anything to eat, and the guy says "Do you have fries here?"
I answer, "Yes I can bring you some fries."
"Can I have a poutine?"
Poutine is fries with cheese curds and gravy on it.


"I'm sorry sir, we don't serve poutine."
"Can't you MAKE me a poutine?"
"Sorry, sir, we don't really have any gravy here."
"What? How can you not have gravy?"
"Well, we have peppercorn sauce, but no gravy sir. It's more like an au juice, and would probably be too runny for pou..."
He mutters. "Stupid F*#*ing restaurant, what kind of restaurant....?"
"Ma'am, would you care for anything to eat?" I say, turning to the woman.
"No."
"Sir, would YOU like anything to eat?"
"No, I want poutine!"

The man asks for his bill.

When I deliver the bill, the woman turns to me.
"I want this placemat all rolled up like this!"
"Ok ma'am, that's fine, you can have that placemat ANY way you'd like it!"
"Can you maybe bring me a piece of tape, so I can keep it like this?"
(Lying) "Sorry, Ma'am, but I don't think we have any tape in the restaurant. But you can take it home and do what every you'd like to it!"

I left the two of them to drink their beer, and I went to go take a look in the parking lot to see if they had driven a car there, 'cause there was no way I was going to let them drive home in the condition they were in. All I could see were staff cars and the truck the other table drove up in. I warn the hostess and the busgirl that the two of them are likely to walk out on the bill, so there should always be one of us out front at any given time. In the meantime, a third table has shown up.

As the two of them get up to leave, they start to fight. The man comes up to the til and pays the bill, as the woman stops at another table where there are customers and starts swearing and staring at them. Luckily, the table she was harassing was just two teenage boys who were friends of the busgirl. (the other table we had was in a totally different room, and they missed most of the action.)

After the man pays the bill, (and leaves me a $1.50 tip on an $11 bill), he asks me to "pretend" that he didn't pay the bill and to pursue his sister (who, by now, we've decided has some sort of mental illness), to pay the bill. I tell him "No I can't do that." And when he starts to try to convince the hostess to do the same, she replies with "That's mean."

He then asks me to call them a cab. Then he says to his sister "Ok, I'm leaving now, pay the girls."

He leaves and his sister starts FLIPPING OUT! "Stupid fu#*king brother, he's an A$$HOLE!"

"He was joking!" The hostess and I try to convince her over and over.

She then starts getting closer and closer to the hostess, backing her right into the liquor room, at which point our boss catches on to what's happening and comes out of the back to figure out the situation.

John stands there for a good minute or two looking at her while she rants and raves, when he finally asks her to leave. She hadn't noticed him at first, and when she sees him, she says "Whoa, he's MEAN..." (he's not) and "Whoa he's BIG!" (which he is also not). "What's HE doing there?"

"I'm asking you to leave! Your cab is outside, it's time for you to leave."
"I'm not leaving with that bastard! I live across the street!"
"That's fine, you need to leave now!"
"Why?"
"Because you're drunk and the bill is paid, and you're disrupting my restaurant. You need to remove yourself, and if you don't, I will phone the cops, and I'll get THEM to remove you!"
"I have TWO sisters who are RCMP!"
"That's fine, do you want me to call THEM?!?"
"Why would you do that?!?!"
"BECAUSE YOU'RE DRUNK!"
"I'm was born in Newfoundland, and so was my brother. He was born in Newfoundland."

I didn't hear the rest of the exchange, as I had to go to my other table, but in the end she left, and we didn't have to call the cops. She also apologized for her brother and left a five dollar tip.

Which means I got a 50% tip overall.

Silly Newfies!

10 comments:

Evan said...

Are Newfoundland people strange? we have some too, they are called Tasmanians..oops!

Sarah said...

Ha! Well, at least you got a decent tip out of the deal. I feel sorry for the normal Newfies who are given a bad reputation by weirdos such as these. Great post. I love hear weird work stories. Hopefully I'll have some again soon.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Man, quite a couple. Maybe they'll become regulars :)

Erin said...

That's super strange - some people really act out when they're inebriated. I'm glad that the whole thing didn't end badly, at least not for you or your restaurant!

CeCe said...

Evan~Yeah, they can be pretty strange, but I have to say that these two weren't really a good sample of Newfies.

Sarah~I'm looking forward to your work stories! Your work stories are the BEST!

Mr. Fab~Ugh, I hope not! I don't think it could happen though, John will throw them out as soon as they walk in the door!

Erin~It could have been a lot worse if there were more people in the restaurant!

Ryann said...

hahahahahahahaha

classic trash. but at least you know she was telling the truth when she said she lives across the street. I know that trailer park.

Joyce said...

Hey! That sounds shockingly like something my brother would do but he's not Newfie, and he never went to BC last week. Would it help if I apologized anyway?

Belinda said...

It's a toss-up whether I'm more frightened of the customers or the poutine.

CeCe said...

Ryann~Hee hee.. you could be right!

Joyce~Ha ha, you crack me up! Thanks for the apology!

Belinda~Oh, you! Poutine is SOOOOOOO yummy! I don't know if it originated in Quebec or not, but it's definately a French Canadien "thing"

Sarah said...

Poutine will kill you if eaten properly. Belinda, don't do it. Don't!