Sunday, January 07, 2007

A Tale of Two Parents. *updated with another piece of conversation.

Parent number one: Armondo's father.

The Background: Click here.

Recently: We haven't been able to get a hold of my FIL for quite some time. We've phoned and left messages on his answering system with no return calls, (including one message asking him to join us for Christmas dinner) and our Christmas card was sent back to us. Armondo's oldest sister was also having troubles getting a hold of him, and between Armondo and her, (with help of a suggestion from a friend of mine) they decided to call the police in his area to see if they could find out if he was alive or dead in his apartment. In the meantime, we figured out that we had sent the Christmas card to the wrong apartment number.

Now: I have no idea if the police ever connected with FIL or not, but the other day he phoned. Apparently he's been holed up in his apartment feeling sorry for himself and not answering his phone because he felt guilty that so much time had gone by since his last call or visit. He told Armondo he would come to visit the next day (yesterday.) They didn't make solid plans as to exactly when he would show up, (there's a ferry involved for him to get over here), but Armondo was pretty sure he'd come over at some point during the day. I even showered and changed out of my Pj's and everything!

By mid afternoon, he hadn't shown up or called, so I got Armondo to call him. He actually answered his phone (a good sign) and then basically said he wasn't going to come over that day, but he would some time soon.

Later last night, he called again. I picked up the phone. The call went a little something like this: (yes, I know it doesn't make any sense, just roll with it.)

Me: Hello?
FIL: Uh? Is this (the drug store)?
Me: No, this is C. Is this FIL?
FIL: Huh, YEAH, it is! Hey sweety pie, how are ya?
Me: Good thanks, how are you?
FIL: Good, hey, I just got back from (the drug store), and the package I bought is totally empty, and I was just trying to phone them. Do you think they would believe me?
Me: Sure, things like that happen all the time. Just call them, keep the receipt and go back quickly. I'm sure they'd replace the item.... So? Are you coming over?
FIL: Hey, you know when you called me a flake? Well I think you're right, I AM a flake.
Me: Umm.. I don't remember calling you a flake.
FIL: Well, (Oldest SIL) told me you called me a flake and I think you're right.
Me: Umm... ok.. (avoiding the issue) So, are you coming over?
FIL: No.
Me: Why?
FIL: 'Cause you don't like me.
Me: What? Who says I don't like you?
FIL: You! You called me a flake, and you don't like me.
Me: First of all, I said you were "flaky" and I have NEVER said that I didn't like you. You're a fun guy to be around! (it's true, even if he IS crazy)

A bunch of other crazy stuff is said, then...

FIL: Well, you say you like me, but how come you don't LOVE me?
Me: Well, I don't really know you. I love you 'cause you're my husband's father, and my child's grandfather, but I don't really know you very well.
FIL: Well, how come you don't hug or kiss me?
ME: I hug you all the time! When you're around, anyway.
FIL: But you don't kiss me!
Me: I don't kiss anyone!
FIL: Well, I think I deserve a kiss on the cheek or something!

*Update: (I forgot about this part when I was writing this before)
FIL: I know why you hate me! You think I want your mom! (they met at our wedding)
Me: I don't care about THAT! And I don't think you like her, I KNOW she likes you!
FIL: No, you think I like your mom, and you hate me because of it!

And the conversation continued on is such a way. "You don't love me" and "you don't like me" were repeated several times, and on my end I said on several occasions: "Are you trying to start a fight with me or something?" By the end of the conversation, I was under the impression that he was going to come over soon. Possibly that night, maybe the next day (today). In relating the conversation to Armondo, I started to think about how insane it would be if MY father had had the same conversation with ARMONDO! Talk about crazy making!

By part way through the day today, he hadn't shown, so Armondo called him, and he answered his phone (again, a good sign.) and he decided he wouldn't come over 'cause he currently didn't have the money to spoil us while he was here, and there was some sort of pride issue surrounding that.

And that's where we're at with that. Armondo's conclusion to the whole thing? FIL has been drunk for several months holed up in his apartment. He hasn't been working for quite awhile, and his very lucrative job is in jeopardy because he hasn't been paying his union dues. (If you don't work, you don't pay the dues, and the dues are due in a month.) FIL is an alcoholic, and needs some recovery and rehab. Armondo's goal right now is to stay in touch with his father and try to convince him to contact his union rep and tell him what's going on and get him into rehab, which the union would pay for. (It's assumed that the union would also give him some extra time to pay those dues if he's taking an active role in recovery.) FIL has everything around him to help him get better, he just has to take initiative.

Parent number two: My mother.

The Background: Click here.

Recently: Click here. (and read part 4)

Now: My mother called here tonight. This is the first time since Christmas day that she's called, and it was two years before that that I talked to her.

Turns out she lives in my town now. She might be getting an apartment as soon as tomorrow, but she's been staying with friends so far since she's been here.

She says she wants to turn her life around.

Some interesting highlights from the conversation:

Ma: So, what's my grandchild's name? (yeah, that's right, my kid is 18 months old, and she doesn't even know that she's a girl, let alone know her name)

Ma: So, how are you doing?
Me: Um, ok, I'm due to have a baby tomorrow. The due date is tomorrow.
Ma: Really? No way!

Ma: So, maybe you'll have the baby today, do you know what today is?
Me: Sunday?.....
Me: oh wait, is it your birthday today?
Ma: Yeah!
Me: Happy Birthday.
Ma: Thanks!
Me: Yeah, I don't think the babe's coming today.

Ma: So, I'd like to know when you go into labour.
Me: *silence*
Ma: So, I guess I'll just keep on calling and then when you're in labour, I'll meet you in the hospital.
Me: *silence*
Me: Well, actually, I only want Armondo to be there when I have the baby. I don't have any friends coming or anything.
Ma: Oh, well who's watching (Cherry) when you're in the hospital?
Me: A friend. A GOOD friend. Yeah, she's great. She watches her often. It's ALL taken care of.
Ma: So, when do you want to see me?
Me: Well... *long pause* Ok, you say you want to change your life around, and I'd love to be around and help you through that and everything, but the truth of the matter is, it's been two years since we last talked, and that combined with what you did to your mother.... You know, there's a lot of hurt there. So I think we should just take it slow, and we can talk on the phone here and there for awhile before we jump into anything, you know?
Ma: Ok.
Me: 'Cause, you know, I'd really like you to be a part of our lives, but there's a lot of hurt to deal with.
Ma: Ok, I'd like to be apart of your lives too.

And with that, we ended the conversation with her basically promising to keep in touch.

Whew. Wow. I. AM. STUNNED. Too. Much. Stimulation.


Anonymous said...

wow. hugs and kisses to you lovey


Sarah said...

Whoa. Intense. I hope that the situation with your mother is as hopeful as it sounds to me. Good for you to keep the necessary distance though. Love ya!

shandelle said...

it is really intense. hopefully everything goes well and nothing gets pushed on you. You need everything exactly the way you want it . Not too much excitement
while getting used to a new babe

Anonymous said...

CeCe~~ all too much to deal with in the final days of a physically tough pregnancy. Tell them all to go away until YOU are feeling up to dealing with their messes.

Caroline said...

I understand this post. Some words join you to others and you can't even begin to understand the impact that you have made. Be happy with all that you have.